To move on from such relationships is one of life’s most difficult, triumphant feats of maturity — largely because we enter them and stay in them for reasons that far predate the particular person or situation, reasons rooted in our earliest attachments, those formative relationships in which perpetual optimism is both part of a child’s natural innocence and a necessary survival strategy for the helplessness of being in the care of a damaged and damaging adult.
这些动力——以及如何用尊严、正念和情感成熟来打破它们——是富有灵魂的哲学作家和生命学院创始人Alain de Botton.在他的一个动画论文中审查了探索人际关系的美丽复杂性:
没有被宽恕,从我们所做的事情的后果中发布,我们的行为能力就像它一样,被限制在我们永远无法恢复的单一行动;我们将仍然是永恒的后果的受害者,而不是与巫师的学徒不同,缺乏魔术公式的魔术公式。在不受承诺的履行的情况下,我们永远无法留住我们的身份;we would be condemned to wander helplessly and without direction in the darkness of each man’s lonely heart, caught in its contradictions and equivocalities — a darkness which only the light shed over the public realm through the presence of others, who confirm the identity between the one who promises and the one who fulfills, can dispel. Both faculties, therefore, depend on plurality, on the presence and acting of others, for no one can forgive himself and no one can feel bound by a promise made only to himself; forgiving and promising enacted in solitude or isolation remain without reality and can signify no more than a role played before one’s self.
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